There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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