Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Your penis caused this!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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