You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
