If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
