thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
