You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
