very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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