Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
True strength comes from lack of pants
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
