Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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