look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
