Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
