He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
