Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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