so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
