My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
