You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
