i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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