my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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