its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
