I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
