If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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