John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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