Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
