my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
