insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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