That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
