it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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