i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How does it feel to date your dad?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
