Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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