Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
pray to the hookup gods
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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