come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He shit in the fireplace
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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