Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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