I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
