I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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