How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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