I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
