so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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