He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
