I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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