I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
