Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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