This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
