i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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