this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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