I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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