My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
