You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
