I must be too annoying 4 u.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
