i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
