I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
