I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
