my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
