If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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