Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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