Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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