Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
