Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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